My teacher held a recital this past weekend. Of all the recitals we’ve done, the format for this one was my favorite. I really liked how organized and well-paced it was.
My son, who has been playing for three months played a solo and did a very nice job. As a violist, he plays nearly all the same songs, but in a different key from the violinists. Unfortunately, he’s the only violist in the studio and he’s too new to know how to transpose the music. That meant that he couldn’t play in any of the group numbers; except that he forgot and got up to play Twinkles. For the first few variations, he just stood there. For the last one, he went ahead and played in the key he knows. It sounded a bit off and he worries that everyone assumed that he couldn’t play in tune. His teacher and I told him it was alright. I only wish that the teacher had pointed out that Trip plays a different instrument to the audience. After all, it is a bit special if you’re the only one.
I chose not to do a solo this time. The only thing I have close to ready isn’t quite where I want it yet. One of the children played it instead. In comparison, I think I play it better, but not as effortlessly. It seems silly to compare my playing to that of a child; but she has been playing for much longer than I have.
My husband took some video. It was really hard for me to watch. In most of the pieces I was standing next to the best student there. She was amazing to watch. Her playing is just about perfect. I look like a stilted machine. My arm is high, my wrist barely moves, I hold the instrument too high, and my face looks like I’m in pain. Honestly, I wonder if I am capable of the proper mechanics at this point. It is depressing, and makes me want to quit. While I know that quitting isn’t the answer, does it make sense to continue if I can’t fix the obvious problems? Am I really that resistant to what I’m being taught? When I play, it feels like I’m doing everything I’m supposed to. How am I ever going to play right if I can’t tell that I’m doing it wrong after all this time?