It’s tempting to write only good things in a blog. We all want people to think we are wonderful. I am fortunate in that I have many people who think I am wonderful without having to edit myself that much. My husband is supportive of me no matter what I do. If I want to pig out on ice cream and cookies, that’s OK. If I want to lose (mumblety-x) pounds, that’s just peachy too. It’s nice to have that kind of amazing support.
I’m happy to report that for the first time (try number 4, actually) I am nearly to the end of the first cycle of the 17 day diet without having all that scary ED business start to crop back up. I have lost a total of 10 pounds. That’s pretty miraculous, if you ask me. Cycle 2 makes me nervous because I’m adding complex carbs back in, making my daily intake a bit higher. That should slow down the weight loss, which needs to happen because losing this much weight this fast is a bit terrifying. But a slower weight loss means it will take longer to get to my goal weight. *sigh* At least I’m going in the right direction for a change.
Ten pounds down means I’m also down a dress size. I don’t much like my old clothes, but at least I have plenty to wear while I try to get down to a healthy BMI. I will miss some of my nice new work clothes though. They were cute.
At least one thing is going well.
Playing the violin used to seem so easy. I caught on to new concepts quickly, and advanced at a fairly steady rate. However, for the last year I have been stuck, and I seem to be playing worse than I was this time last year. Simple concepts are difficult to master, and everything falls apart when I try to play anything supposedly at my level. To me, this means I’m really playing things that are beyond me. It’s like trying to jump up and down on a pogo stick while writing in calligraphy and singing a song in a language I don’t know well. I’ve put too much effort into this to quit, but I can’t seem to get better no matter what I practice. This is so frustrating. Most of the time I want to cry after I try to play anything. It sucks so badly to feel like a failure. There has to be a way to get past this, but nothing I’ve nailed stays in my head and fingers long enough. It’s there, and as soon as I start fixing the next problem, it’s gone again. I’m tired of making stupid mistakes because I can’t remember shit.
Playing for this long and not having one single piece that I can play to any reasonable standard makes me wish I had never started. At least then I would never know exactly what a rotten idea this would turn out to be. Guess I’d better go practice. I have a lesson in four days. I swear if it goes as badly as today’s lesson, I’m just going to burst out into tears in front of the teacher; and that would be more embarrassing than playing badly.
Maybe I can only do one thing right at a time.