Frustrating, frustrating day. I expect work to be annoying and to not go according to plan. Part of my job description is “management” which means I get to manage all the crazy things that get tossed my way. I start out the day with a solid plan and an expectation of executing X number of tasks, and by lunch I’m on a wild goose chase, looking for a file in another state by phone, while fielding emails from 6 people and filling out last minute reports to make other people’s jobs easier. What was I doing again?
What I didn’t expect was for my violin lesson to be quite so frustrating. While I wish that I had four hours a day to devote to scales, arpeggios, concertos, and etudes; in reality, I get roughly one hour most days. One. Which means that I can’t memorize a concerto like, ever, my scales are sloppy, repertoire is sketchy at best, and everything else is pretty much hit or miss.
I want to be good. I really do. Not Hilary Hahn good, just able to play well enough to make it sound more like music than it does now. Currently I play violin sort of like a drunk roller skates. Bach must be rolling over in his grave.
I know what it takes to get better, but I just don’t have the time to devote to it and it is frustrating. Not sure why it matters so much. It’s not like I’m going to go anywhere with it. They’re not going to put “violinist” on my headstone or anything. I’m just so tired of being a hack.
Bah! Time for an adult beverage.