The nice thing about having a house husband is not having to do the weekly shopping. The bad thing about that is that I don’t get to do that sort of thing often, so when I do, I buy random shit for the novelty of it.
This evening, I went to CVS to get a few personal items and some cleaning supplies for my office. Turns out, if you spill enough soda and greasy food on your desk, it gets grody. I knew this in theory, but today’s ranch dressing incident was the last straw. And I do believe the brown ring under my left-hand monitor is diet coke residue from that time I knocked over an entire Big Gulp into my keyboard. It’s a good thing there’s no real sugar in there, or I would have had to explain to the IT contractor why my keys were sticking. I’ve been artistically piling memos over the stain to prevent revealing my dirty little secret.
So I bought some paper towels & multi-surface cleaner to keep in my desk, and picked up some other random stuff. You know, because nobody ever remembers to get refills for those scent plug-in thingies in the bathroom, and everyone always needs kleenex, right?
After I picked up what I couldn’t live without, I began to wander the aisles looking for that one awesome thing that would make my day. You know, a fun thing that you wouldn’t normally buy. Usually, that’s chocolate, but I’ve been indulging quite often lately and it didn’t appeal.
What I found was this:
This is “More” magazine. Apparently, it’s like “Ladies Home Journal” for the mature set. Check out their headline articles: Pretty, Pain-Free Feet; Great Age-Appropriate Fall Fashion; and Is Your Hair Aging You?
This is some funny shit ya’ll.
The whole magazine is full of ads for hair dye, articles on some super ugly, baggy clothes, and a foot stompingly funny Cover Girl ad that boasts that the makeup “makes me look like I don’t have big bags under my eyes!” OMG! I’m so excited to be a Cover Girl (read septugenarian).
I can’t stop laughing, which makes me feel bad because somebody truly felt that this was a missing target market. Why is CVS carrying this, when they can’t even stock “Fitness”, or “Newsweek”? Is it true that you have to be old to shop there? And who decided 40 was old?
The thing that makes me laugh the hardest is that the publisher states that this magazine is for “Women of Style and Substance”. More like insecurity, and a desire to dress in menswear and lug around overpriced handbags the size of a piece of carry-on luggage. I guess it needs to be big to hold all of those beauty products. You never know when you might want to dye your hair in the airport restroom or give yourself an emergency botox injection to tide you over until you can get a professional to do it for realsies.
What a gem!
Well, I’m off to read all about “Why Testosterone is the New Estrogen”. I’ll probably laugh myself to sleep.