It’s a desire for something you think you can not have. Wishing upon a star… or to be one. Even if it is only expressed in playing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.
I’ve been asked a number of times why I chose to take up the violin at such a late age. My answer is that i needed to. A deep seated desire to at least try has been eating at me for years. They say that if you let your longed for desires out, you can achieve anything. But if you keep them pent up inside, they can eat you alive.
I didn’t think it was possible for an adult to learn to play, so I kept it to myself. One day, when I was talking to my children about whether they wanted to learn an instrument, I stated that the reason I kept pushing despite their stated disinterest, was that I wanted to play the violin, but never had the chance when I was their age.
My youngest son looked up at me and spoke with the straightforwardness that only a 7 year old can devise and said, “But Mommy, I thought adults could do anything they wanted!”
At that moment, I realized he was right. The only one preventing me from pursuing my dream was me.
This week was my fourth lesson. My instructor is teaching the Suzuki method, which is entirely foreign to me as I learned piano in the traditional method. How odd to be playing actual songs on the first day! What? No endless scales, or finger exercises? Not exactly so, though at first it seemed that way.
Each song introduces one or several skills that must be mastered in order to move forward. For some, it comes quickly. For those, like me, with slower synapses, it comes more slowly. But it does appear to be an effective method.
At any rate, I was required to learn 5 variations of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”, (or the alphabet song, for those of you who are in the know *wink*. (I’ll bet you just hummed the tune to verify the statement! Ha Ha!!) After 4 lessons, I have finally graduated to learning two more pieces. It feels like slow progress, though Mr. A. says I am a quick study. Who can say? Quick is relative when considering most start the program as early as 3 years old.
I long to play well, but at least now it has an outlet. Through study and practice, I am able to purge it from my system. And now, no matter how poorly I play, I can say that this matter, at least, will not eat me alive.