I’m a Quitter

I am an expert at self sabotage.

No, really. I know what I need to do to succeed at a particular endeavor and yet, I don’t do it. Today I attempted a 7 mile run with the group – dehydrated, with a waning base, and no way to pace myself. It was a huge failure. Not because I couldn’t run it, but because I psyched myself out entirely. At mile 2.5 I turned around and went back to the parking lot, after spending a fair amount of time just plain lost. It was easy, because I was totally last. Yup, nobody behind me because I am so much slower than these people.

Of course, then I had to do the drive of shame and hope that no one recognized me or the van as I passed all the front runners on their way back in to the stadium. Ugh!

I came home, took a shower, and instead of using my perky citrus scented shower gel, chose one that smells like cherry blossoms and woodsmoke. To me, it is the smell of failure; but I couldn’t bear the cheery scent of “butterfly flower” after such a humiliating sef-defeat.

Why am I doing this? This half-commitment thing sucks. If I don’t find my will to do this very soon, I’m going to have to bag on the March race and lose the money.


3 thoughts on “I’m a Quitter

  1. There are bad days in running. If you are truly committed then I am confident that you will get back out there. If you are unable to race in March, try scaling back your goals a little bit. Whatever you do, don’t give up. Your better than that.

  2. Every one has a bad running day from time to time. Try to forget about this run and focus on the next run. Hang in there, knit a little, take a day or two off, but don’t give up on running because of one bad experience.

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