I know I have come a long way with the violin. Unfortunately, it’s one of those things that the more you learn, the less you know. I feel like I sound bad because my ear has become better. If I heard myself a year ago, I’d be astounded by how good it sounds.
Right now, I’m trying to learn a number of techniques in a short period of time. It’s a painful right of passage for any violinist, especially one like myself who still has to work on perfecting earlier basics.
In addition, I’m terrified to play in public. I’ve done it some, but am still pretty scared by it. Today I thought I would take the violin outside to practice, but was intimidated within the first 5 minutes, even with no one around to hear me. I retreated back to my little corner of the living room where I usually practice behind closed shades.
No matter how much I practice, I come away knowing that I could have spent more time on this thing, or that thing. Memorization is still an elusive skill. It would be easier to work on musicality if I could break away from the written page. And vibrato? Forget it. I may never get it.
One day I would like to play where people can hear me and be proud of what I have done.