Still Alive – Just Crazy Busy

Busy, busy, busy.

It is a crazy time of year for us. The kids have tons of activities, and many friends, so they often need to be transported somewhere to participate. This spring has been chock full of fishing trips, camping, fulfilling boy scout badge requirements, group projects, orientations, extra-curricular programming, and birthday parties.

Our oldest son has taken up the guitar and is enjoying his lessons very much. Practice time in our house has been dubbed “dueling strings” by the non-instrumental set. Personally, I don’t find the violin and guitar practice disturbing at all. We are both focused enough that we aren’t bothered by what the other is playing.

Youngest boy is nagging us for drum lessons. I have a feeling he will need to practice on his own if we give in. I’m not competing with that. My rhythm is bad enough without worrying whether I am with the metronome or inadvertently switched to the drum beat.

My sister, who has lived with us for over a year now, is set to close on her new home at the end of next month. Soon, she will be gone, and the house will be quieter and emptier. She has been an invaluable asset – providing extra childcare and errand-running. With Moe’s work schedule so erratic, that has been a lifesaver. I will miss her when she moves away. We have become such good friends now that we are both adults.

Mom is in the final throes of getting her house put on the market. I cleared my things out of her garage (well, all but the weight bench since it didn’t fit in the truck) which should help her get to the last few things on her personal punch list. She really should have the realtor in to let her know what must be done. Then she could hire a contractor and get all the work done in a few days. Sometimes Mom is way too independent. It’s not always sensible to DIY everything. At any rate, we are eager to have her close by and I am just chafing at the bit at how long it is taking. I have no personal attachment to that house. It’s just a building. Family is what matters, and I want mine right here, thankyouverymuch.

Calculating the Burn

I’m just parking this here so I can refer to it later:

My BMR at my current weight requires 1447 calories. This is the amount my body needs just to breathe and keep my heart beating. Can’t go below this number without interfering with metabolism. The equation for women is BMR=655+[4.35*weight in lbs.]+[4.7*height in inches]-[4.7*age]. For men the equation is BMR=66+[6.3*weight in lbs]+[12.9xheight in inches]-[6.8*age]. I did not look up the equation for children because I don’t believe children should be calorie counting unless they are under medical supervision.

Maintenance (sedentary) is 1,736 calories. This is the number of calories I need to maintain my current weight.
Sedentary = BMR*1.2 (little or no exercise, desk job)
Lightly Active = BMR*1.375 (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/wk)
Mod. Active = BMR*1.55 (moderate exercise/sports 3-5 days/wk)
Very Active = BMR*1.725 (hard exercise/sports 6/7 days/wk)
Extr. Active = BMR*1.9 (hard daily exercise/sports & physical job or 2x day training, i.e. marathon, contest, etc.)

In order to lose 1 pound a week I need a deficit of 500 per day, or 3500 per week.

1736-1447=289. If I eat 1447 calories each day, my deficit is 289, or just over ½ a pound a week with no exercise. Therefore, I need to burn an additional 211 calories each day to lose 1 pound per week. Burn needed for 1.5 pounds per week is 461. Burn needed each day for 2 pounds per week is 711.

I did yoga last night for the first time in a year. It was a bit humbling finding out that I am too fat to touch my toes. I am not flexible any longer, and I have no upper body strength. At least my legs are still strong. Squats and warrior poses were no problem at all.

A Picture Worth A Thousand Words

It’s amazing how telling a picture can be.  A friend of mine came out to the archery range yesterday and took a number of photos of the folks that were at practice.  He did a great job.  The pictures were wonderful – great composition, color, and subject matter.  But the way I looked in those photos was eye-opening.  I can avoid a mirror, but I can’t lie to a camera.

(Photo by D. Travis Brandel)

So here’s the thing.  The last six months have been fairly rough.  I have had to deal with a lot of anxiety, some depression, and a certain amount of parenting drama.  Instead of doing what I could to counteract all of that, I sank into it.  You can tell in the photo.  My hair is several weird colors because I stopped dying it.  I’m wearing unflattering clothing- mostly to cover up the weight I have gained from eating my feelings and moping around.  And frankly, I just don’t look like I’m enjoying myself.

Things need to change.

I decided that I need to take care of myself.  It always feels selfish when I do, but I know intellectually that the opposite is true.  Sitting on the couch eating potato chips and ice cream in a daze is selfish.  Getting up and working towards better health and happiness is not.  So I recruited my sister to lose 10 pounds with me.  Then I posted about it on Facebook.  Within minutes, I had a ton of support via “likes” and several folks who wanted to join in.

Maybe I’m not the only one dealing with issues.  True or not, it helps to know that I’m not alone.  So folks, let’s do this.  Eat more healthy food than unhealthy food and focus on the right portions.  Drink enough water.  Get enough sleep.  Move more.  Do something for your mental health.  Enjoy the longer days, warmer sunshine, and moments of freedom, because we aren’t going to be any younger tomorrow.  The days are going to pass anyway.  Don’t wait until you see a picture of yourself looking frumpy and miserable before you decide to make a positive change.

I am committing to make a real attempt at losing 10 pounds by April 15th.  I chose the date because that is my birthday and birthdays always seem like a new beginning to me.  Losing 10 pounds in 36 days is not an easy goal, but an attainable one all the same.  I’m worried about how difficult it is going to be.  I will probably not be satisfied if I succeed.  But if I still have 40 pounds to lose at the end of this, at least I will be able to say that I made a great start.

A Mental Leap

Source: thegrowersdaughter.blogspot.com via Krista on Pinterest

I was beginning to worry that I wasn’t lyrical enough when playing the violin. At first, I struggled to learn the notes. Then, even though the notes were right, the pieces didn’t sound right to my ears. I decided the issue must be with my technical ability to interpret the rhythm. But even when the rhythm was right, the music I played seemed dead and flat. Clearly, being musical is something different from just playing what is written on the score.

I’ve tried changing dynamics, and phrasing, but there just seems to be something tangibly missing from what can be played, and what I play. For a while, I thought maybe it was my imagination. After all, I am progressing in my lessons. Perhaps the frustration I feel and the nearly imperceptible disappointment I can’t help but notice on my instructor’s part isn’t real. But I can’t shake it.

He gave me a CD with the lesson pieces on it to play along with. Up until this point I haven’t because it is designed to play with a certain software package. My computer has an external drive, and I can never find it, so it hasn’t been convenient to use the CD. However, last night I took a chance and popped it in my car stereo and, behold, it played! Furthermore, even though the pieces on the CD were the same as what I am studying in my lessons, they sounded nothing like what I do. They are musical and fun, not repetitive and dull.

I was definitely right in doubting my musicality.

In high school and college I made a practice of copying the meter and rhyming scheme of an assortment of poets when composing my own poetry. Through this practice, I eventually developed a deeper intuition and skill in creating my own works. I will never be Robert Frost, but I can use his poetry as a guide to create word pictures nearly as fluid as his. In other words, I can’t recreate his poems, but learned how to use his tools to evoke similar feelings.

I didn’t want to have to do that with music. For some reason, I thought it would be cheating. That if I tried to copy what another artist had done, it wasn’t something I did, but merely imitation. But I was wrong. I can’t learn musicality without practicing it. And that means spending some time following in the footsteps of better musicians until I learn how to play as they do. Only then can I tap into that ability on my own.

Some people are born with innate abilities. I was not. However, having made this connection it feels as if I have made a leap to another level. Whether or not this mental leap remains true in practice remains to be seen. But at least I feel as if there is another tool in my bucket. If I hadn’t avoided it for so long, how much more improved would I be at this point?

A Bit of Earth

Source: houzz.com via Krista on Pinterest

Every year or so it seems I have another project with a big learning curve. Some have been more or less successful long term – embroidery, knitting, running, learning the violin, and baking bread. Others have not stuck – yoga, meal planning, decorating, woodworking, etc.

I did well with flower gardening until my children were born and it got too time consuming to take care of two toddlers and keep up with the weeding and pest control. I still love flower gardening, but our new home was stripped of its topsoil during construction so that hasn’t gone well so far. I have no doubts that it will improve over time.

Anyway, this year’s current obsession is vegetable gardening. I attempted a small veggie garden two years ago, but the only thing that survived in our dreadful clay was the radishes. They tasted wonderful! However, despite backbreaking days spent preparing the garden by hacking up the earth with a pickax and amending the soil every which way from Sunday, nothing else thrived. Not unless you count the native meadow weeds that quickly reestablished permanent residence.

After lots of research, and talking with local friends, I have decided to put in a 4′x8′ raised bed and attempt the square foot method of gardening. In my mind, it’s gorgeous, and my family eats well all summer. Reality may prove me wrong. Although a number of friends till and amend with amazing results, I’m unwilling to try that method again. It’s hard enough to stay interested when things are going well. If I have another weed-filled failing crop, I might throw in the towel. It seems as if the square foot method might dispense a higher degree of beginners’ luck.

As if starting a garden weren’t difficult enough, I want to try composting too. Ideally, I’d like a compost tumbler, but constructing one is outside of my comfort level, and purchasing one puts me too far out of pocket. So it seems as if I will have to find a place for a pile. My husband will hate that. He’s generally tolerant of my crazy projects, but the appearance of the yard is important to him. The other trick will be to keep the rest of the family from adding random things into the pile that I don’t think belong in there. I’m approaching it a lot like a science experiment. The rest of the family will likely treat it like a trash pile. I may need to appeal to their more mathematical tendencies to help them understand my method.

It’s February, and I’m ready to get started. I hope to soon be able to start assembling supplies. Seed packets whisper promises to me from their pile in the kitchen. I still need to make a final determination where I want the garden to go, but that shouldn’t take long. Is it spring yet?

It’s an Artist Thing

I am finally caught up on season 3 of Downton Abbey.  I’m sure it’s no surprise to all of you that I am watching it.  You know how I love a costume drama.

I was pretty far behind though, so I locked myself in the treehouse during the Superbowl and watched the entire season at one go.  The bonus is that the sewing room is now tidied up.  All I have to do is figure out what I’m going to make next.  There is a list.  Unfortunately, I really don’t want to make anything on the list.  I’d rather be embroidering, or knitting, or gosh – just about anything else at this point.

I went to the Arts and Sciences Festival in Jamestown, NC this past weekend and had a blast.  I was called on to judge a couple of entries, and was able to celebrate with friends who had wonderful showings.  My travel companions were an absolute blast.  I look forward to future trips with them.  It was nice to get away for a short time.

I’m so in the mood to make something, but I don’t know what it is.  Last week I went crazy making bread and gained a pound for my trouble.  I’d like to do some glasswork, but my studio is still in durance vile back in Hampton.  We won’t talk about why it isn’t set up here yet because it makes me angry.  Embroidery sounds wonderful, but then I feel guilty for wanting to work on that when there is so much other stuff that really needs to be done.

I either feel guilty for doing it, or for not doing it.  #OMGfail

Of course the obvious solution is to work on the project that needs to be done, but it isn’t interesting enough to keep me motivated.  Or, I’m not motivated enough to generate the interest.  Either way, nothing is getting done.  I think I’m simply not motivated to make clothes while I am still this size.  But I’ve been this size on and off (mostly on) for the past 10 years, so I might as well swallow my expectations and do it.

 

Knitting Again

Oh, how long it has been since I knitted anything? It has been months, at least. I really wanted to start a pair of travelling socks. You know, the easy-peasy mindless pair you start so you have something in your purse that doesn’t require a pattern. The only thing is that I have five or six pairs of socks and a pair of gloves on the needles that require rigorously following a pattern, or turning a heel, or picking up rows to finish. There aren’t any unused sets of needles in the right size for another pair of anything.

Sometimes when I haven’t knitted in a while, I don’t feel like working at it. It needs to be easy. So there hasn’t been any knitting in a while. Lazy girl (that’s me!) just hasn’t been in the mood.

Monday was a Federal holiday, thanks to the illustrious Dr. King. Normally I would spend my day off either catching up on DVR’d entertainment or cleaning house. However, we just changed cable companies so there wasn’t any TV to catch up on; and I needed to be in one room to keep my oldest son focused on his reading for school.

In the interest of being stationary and productive, I hit the box full of abandoned projects and found a Faire Isle patterned hat that has been languishing since about February 2010 less than halfway completed. Now, some people are intimidated by color work, though I don’t know why. Sure it has a lot of color changes, but I find the work seems to go faster because it keeps my interest. I always want to do just one more row to finish a pattern, or start the next color. In two hours, I had finished knitting. One hour later, I had sewn it up and woven in all the ends.

Here it is. Isn’t it lovely?

I finally finished something. Whoo hoo! There’s only one problem. I still don’t have a project-free set of sock needles. I wonder what else is in that box?